Things Boys Have Said to Me on Dating Apps

2022 . for high voice and toy piano . 6’15 .

Boys have said a lot of random, hilarious, and arcane things to me on dating apps. I took real conversations I had on various apps, removed the identifying information therein, and set the quotes to music to create this set of tiny cabaret songs for voice and toy piano.

Text

Introduction. This is called “Things Boys Have Said to Me on Dating Apps.” These are things boys have said to me on dating apps.
I. Patrick invited you to start the chat.
II. I tried to grow some cilantro in my little balcony garden so I guess you’d be happy to hear it died immediately.
III. You know this is only slightly less offensive than girls in middle school saying they wanted to fuck my dad.
IV. Jesus, Lucy, you’re either indecisive or downright manipulative.
V. My name on Snapchat is Sexgod63.
VI. Hi, how are you?
VII. [nothing]
Epilogue. This has been “Things Boys Have Said to Me on Dating Apps.” These were things boys have said to me on dating apps.